Your energy is your greatest leadership responsibility
Happy New Year!
Our team is back from our long winter break. We are feeling refreshed, re-energized, and so excited to do 2026 with you!
I want to kick things off this year by talking about something that’s connected to literally everything we do as leaders—but we’re rarely reminded to focus on it.
Have you ever met a person who has incredible presence? It’s like, after you interact with them, you feel more uplifted, more inspired, or even calmer. You feel better about yourself. You feel more positive. Maybe the world looks a little brighter to you after you spend time with this person.
I would describe a person like that as having great energy. I can certainly think of people in my life who make me feel that way, and I've always admired and wanted to emulate them.
I never used to think about my energy when I considered ways to elevate my leadership, but now, I see that it’s foundational. My energy is my greatest responsibility because it’s directly connected to the impact I have on others. When we're mindful of our energy, we can use it to create a sense of positivity, calm, or inspiration, and it can be the thing that helps others feel their best. When we aren’t mindful of it, we can unintentionally spread negativity or leave others wishing they hadn’t interacted with us.
The thing is that our energy comes with us everywhere we go.
When I speak from a stage, for example, my energy sets the tone for the entire room, no matter how big the venue is. When I lead a team meeting, the energy I show up with is the foundation of that meeting. Even in my one-on-ones and conversations with my clients, my energy holds space for the other person and affects how they’re showing up.
Our energy is connected to so much, and being mindful of it is one of the greatest ways we can serve others. There are a million things out there that can negatively affect our energy: bad days, changes and challenges, certain people and personalities—the list goes on. But no matter what is happening externally, our energy is something we can always control. It’s possible to go through tough moments while still being mindful of how we show up in this world and how we want to impact the people around us.
So, as we start a new year, I thought I’d share five things that have helped me the most when it comes to being intentional about my own energy.
Let’s do this!
1) Start each day by filling your own cup.
I used to start each day by immediately diving into work. Before I even ate breakfast, I was answering emails and checking Slack. But over time, that left me feeling resentful: Here I was starting my day by giving to others, and yet, I hadn't given anything to myself.
Now, my daily non-negotiable is my morning routine. Every morning, no matter where I am, I do something for myself before I do anything for anyone else. A lot of the time, this looks like going to the gym or taking a walk. But sometimes, it just looks like sitting quietly in my office for a few minutes with a cup of coffee, my journal, and my thoughts.
For servant leaders, putting self-care at the top of our lists can feel like the last thing we should do. But I’ve learned that when I fill my own cup first, I not only come into the day feeling more calm and connected to myself, but I also come in with more generosity. I have more to give because I’ve already given generously to myself, and I'm able to give from a place of truly wanting to. I hope the people I am giving to can really feel that.
2) Ground yourself before you interact with others.
Before I go into a meeting, a keynote speech, or even a phone call, I take a few moments to ground myself. I want to make sure that I’m entering my interactions feeling mentally and emotionally stable.
To help me show up this way, I do things ahead of time that help me shift to a more positive, generous, calm mindset. Sometimes, I do breathing exercises, such as box breathing (inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four counts, hold for four). And sometimes it just looks like taking a quiet minute to reflect on who I want to be in this interaction.
No matter what method I use to ground myself, I always spend time reflecting on my intentions for the interaction. I’ve noticed that it’s especially helpful to do this before a phone call: Your tone of voice conveys so much, and it’s all the other person has to rely on in that situation. I really focus on how I want to make the person on the other side of the call feel while I’m talking to them, and when I think about that, I believe it shines through in my tone of voice.
Grounding yourself is even more important when you’re stressed or feeling overwhelmed because those feelings can be highly contagious. When I’m feeling that way, I make sure I take extra time to re-center and usually go for a walk. Sometimes I even reschedule a meeting if I don’t feel like I can show up as my best.
3) Project calm in moments of heightened emotion.
I’ve found that it’s most important to keep your energy in check when you find yourself in emotionally charged situations. I’m talking about things like meetings where people are disagreeing or arguing; when someone's having a tough day and taking it out on you or others; when you have to give bad news or handle complaints; etc.
In these situations, we have a choice: We can allow ourselves to get caught up in the moment and allow others’ negative emotions to heighten our own. Or, we can ask ourselves how we can use our presence to change the energy of the interaction for the better. I ask myself, “What kind of space do I want to hold for people right now? How can I shift the energy to a more positive place?”
I call on this technique a lot when I’m facilitating workshops for teams. Because of the nature of the work I do, I often field disagreements and help people work through interpersonal tension. The way I show up and guide people can make or break these sessions. It’s so important for me in these moments to be able to hold space for others so that our interaction still feels uplifting, even when things get messy and hard. My calm demeanor acts as a beacon for people: It says sure, things might be tough right now, but I’m leading you through the hard stuff. I’ll make sure you make it safely to the other side.
What helps me do this is leaning into my curiosity and allowing for discomfort. When we feel uncomfortable, our instinct is often to fill that space with humor or try to get away from the feeling as fast as possible. But I’ve learned that if we can sit with it—and feel safe to sit with it—discomfort can lead to greater trust and deeper relationships. To create that space, I often address the discomfort directly and say something like, “I know this feels uncomfortable to talk about, and that’s okay. I’m here to make sure we get through it together.”
When someone disagrees with me, I try to regulate myself before responding. It helps me to lean into curiosity here, too: I’ll say, “Tell me more about that,” and try to peel back the layers of what they’re trying to communicate. I try not to take things personally and just listen really closely.
Anytime I’ve shown up from a place of calm during times of heightened emotion, it’s helped regulate the room. It makes it so that people can have meaningful, hard conversations in a trust-building way.
4) Be authentic and show your humanity.
I heard something once that described a leader’s energy as a thermostat: It controls the “temperature” (energy) of the room.
That can feel like a lot of pressure. If you know that your energy affects everyone around you, you might feel like you always have to be positive and happy. But, of course, that's not human or realistic.
What is realistic is making a commitment to be authentic in your feelings, even if they’re negative, while still contributing to a really wonderful environment for others. It sounds counterintuitive, but I’ve found that when you’re open about how you're feeling, it fosters connection and gives other people permission to be open about how they're feeling, too. Connection helps us move through our emotions and find more positive ways of approaching them.
It’s not easy. It takes courage to show your humanity. But your courageous act doesn’t need to be monumental: It could be as simple as acknowledging that you’re having a stressful day and you're a little overwhelmed. Chances are that people already feel that energy from you, but now, they know why it’s there and that it’s okay to acknowledge it. It might even give them permission to acknowledge their own stress, take a deep breath, and remember they're not alone. Sometimes, just the act of naming how you’re feeling can help you show up more positively.
5) Do what you need to do to sustain your energy.
This is a lesson I’m always relearning: It’s so important to own what you need to do for your energy. For example, if you know you have a long day ahead where you need to be at your best, take breaks. Fuel your body throughout the day. Energy is a marathon, not a sprint; you can’t just fuel yourself once and expect to make it across the finish line. It takes constant checking in with yourself, asking yourself what you need, and meeting those needs.
To make sure I show up at my best, I know I need alone time. So, when I travel for events, for example, that might mean I opt out of a social gathering the night before a speech so that I’m guaranteed some solo recharge time. I used to feel guilty about that. But I learned that it’s not worth it to me to risk the next day’s energy on a couple hours of fun. Even when my friends invite me for social gatherings, sometimes I crave alone time, and honoring myself means resisting pressure from others and doing what I need to do for me.
Doing what you need to do to be able to keep showing up with the energy you want to give is the best thing you can do for the people you care about. So, ask yourself: Is what I’m doing in service of my energy? And if it isn't, how can I make a shift and give myself permission to do what I need most?
As we go into 2026, I think if we could all ask ourselves this question, it would set us up for a brighter and more loving year: “What does it feel like to be on the other side of me?”
In other words, how do you want people to feel about your presence when they interact with you? How do you want them to describe that interaction to others?
If you have five minutes, reflect on these questions and share your responses with me (if you are willing!): What do you want your energy to feel like this year? What might change about your leadership if you saw your energy as your most important leadership responsibility? Hit “reply” and tell me and my team what is coming up for you. Sharing it makes it real, and we are happy to be your accountability buddies!
2026 . . . let’s do this!
Big hugs,
