The mindset shift that saves me when things go wrong
A few weeks ago, I got caught in a nightmare travel-delay scenario after one of my speaking events.
I fly a lot, so I’m used to delays and tough travel situations. I really didn’t think much of it after I finally got home.
But at our weekly team meeting a few days later, Cheyenne (our Chief of Operations) recognized me for the way I handled this particular situation. We dedicate a section of our meeting to giving each other “high-fives,” and Cheyenne decided to praise me for my mindset during that delay, and, more generally, the way I keep a cool head in stressful situations.
Her high-five made me stop and reflect on how much I’ve grown in this area. In the past, I would have let a multiple-hour-long delay frustrate me. I would get angry, and I’d bond with the people around me over how upset we all were. No matter the outcome, delays and disruptions never failed to ruin my energy.
But after a decade of traveling for my work, I’ve learned that getting upset at a situation that’s out of my control is pointless. It’s not helpful to me or anyone around me; in fact, it only makes things worse.
To show you how I deal with stressful travel situations now, let me set the scene for this particular debacle. . . .
I had just finished a full day of facilitating a workshop for a team I work with often. As my clients graciously drove me to the airport, I got the dreaded text from the airline: My flight had been delayed by more than four hours.
Disappointing? Absolutely. I was exhausted and still wearing the outfit I’d spoken in all day (which included high heels), and all I wanted was to get in my pajamas and watch movies in bed. But instead of getting upset, I looked for a bright side: I’d have plenty of time to catch up on work and even watch a show or two.
When I told my clients about the delay, they decided to join me for an early dinner in the airport terminal. We picked a restaurant right outside security, and it was great to have a chance to reflect on the day we had together.
Once my clients left and I got through security, I headed to a lounge. There was a huge line of people waiting to check in, and everyone looked very stressed. I was put on a waiting list—which is when I realized that it wasn’t just my flight that was delayed. Everyone’s was. I wasn’t surprised: There was a torrential downpour outside.
When I made it into the lounge, it was packed. Every seat was taken but one, which was between two people at the bar. The person sitting to the right of me was several drinks in, and the one to the left was on the phone with her dad, clearly angry about her flight delay and the fact that she wouldn’t make it to her destination that night.
I got out my laptop and tried to create my own bubble of peace around me. I charged my phone while I had access to an outlet, caught up on work, and, of course, hoped that I would be able to put my head on my own pillow that night.
My bubble of peace held up until the lounge attendants started reminding guests that the lounge would close at 7 p.m., which was quickly approaching. Typically, airport lounges stay open a lot later, but this was a small, regional airport. It wasn’t just the lounge that was closing: The attendants informed us that everything in the airport closed at 7 p.m. After that point, we were out of luck for any kind of food or drinks that didn’t come from a vending machine.
If the people around me had been agitated before, it was nothing to how they were now. People were pleading with the lounge attendants to keep the lounge open until the delays were over, saying that it was unfair that they had to leave. There was nothing the attendants could do, though. The person to my right ordered a few more drinks to chug, and many others followed suit.
Ever been in a crowded environment with a bunch of people who are drinking, angry, and trapped for the foreseeable future? Not fun.
It was hard to maintain my bubble of peace, but I hung on until 7 p.m. When I walked out into the main terminal, it was a madhouse. Herds of people were standing around their gates, visibly stressed and pacing. Nearly every seat was taken, but I was lucky to find one.
As I sat there watching my flight get more and more delayed, I saw the situation around me further deteriorate. Each time a voice came over the intercom and announced a new setback, there was a loud chorus of groans of frustration. Every airline’s customer service desk had a line in front of it that spilled into the terminal, packed with customers using angry hand gestures. Tired kids were either screaming and crying or being chased by their screaming and even-more-tired-looking parents. People were hungry. The energy around me felt tense.
Multiple times that evening, gate agents and airport staff made announcements over the intercom reminding people to be kind. The person working my gate came on and said something like, “I don’t want to be here any more than you do. I’m working well beyond the time when my shift was supposed to be over. We are all tired and frustrated. Let’s be kind to one another.”
When the weather finally cleared up, very few people could board their flights because the airport was shortstaffed. They didn’t have the capacity to clean all of the planes and board everyone immediately, so they had to stagger the boardings, which led to further delays. That really set people off. I watched people walk up to the gate agents and berate them.
It’s amazing to me how in situations like these, people take their anger out on those who have no control over the situation. It’s amazing to me that someone has to come on the intercom and remind adults to be kind.
Don’t get me wrong: I was frustrated, too. I was tired. I wished more than anything that I could just get home.
But at the same time, I knew that there was nothing I could do about it. I knew that no amount of wishing would change the situation, and anger certainly wouldn’t help, either. Does anyone really think that a gate agent wakes up and hopes that this will be the day they get to tell hundreds of people that their flight is delayed for the fifth time? I’m sure it’s the last thing on Earth that they want to do.
With the energy quickly going downhill around me, I decided that I was going to attempt to change the vibe. I was going to invite people into my bubble of peace by being kind and trying to inspire a positive energy shift in those around me.
This is typically my approach when I’m in situations where things aren’t going well. I try to think about how I can make things better or more bearable. I do what’s in my control: I smile. I look for moments of humor. I do my best to remind people that they’re not alone; we’re in this together, so we might as well support each other. It doesn’t mean that I ignore anyone’s frustration or feed into toxic positivity—I just decide to put my energy into what I can control. I can’t control what's happening, but I can control how I react to it and how I treat the people around me.
That night, I made a point to find reasons to compliment and strike up conversations with my fellow stranded passengers. The woman behind me at my gate, for example, had the same badge on her bag that I have on mine that shows we’re both very frequent fliers. I commented on it, and we chatted about it for a minute. It was a small thing, but it was a way for us to connect and take our minds off of the delays, even if only for a moment.
Finally, six hours after my scheduled departure time, my flight started boarding. But as soon as we got on the plane, the weather started acting up again. We had to sit on the plane for an hour as we waited for lightning to pass. Again, anger ruptured all around me.
I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it was better to be grounded and safe than to be flying in a lightning storm. I decided again to raise the vibration around me. I chatted with my seatmate, smiled at the flight attendant, and waved at the kiddos seated near me. Small things, but they made me feel better, and they seemed to make a difference to the people around me.
By the time I got home, it was after 2 a.m. But I was home and I was safe, and that was more than enough for me.
It wasn’t until Cheyenne’s high-five that I thought about how differently I handle these situations today than I did when I first started traveling. It made me think about how these are choices that anyone can make: We all get to choose how we show up, how we react, and what kind of energy we create around us.
Right now in our world, we are facing tremendous challenges. It makes sense that people are more likely to feel frustrated, scared, upset, and overly emotional when things go wrong. That’s why I think it matters more than ever that we’re mindful of how we show up for each other.
The best part is that when you choose to elevate the energy around you, not only does it help others feel better, but it makes you feel better, too. Everyone wins.
What do you think about this? Can you think of a time when something went wrong and your mindset changed the vibe around you? Or maybe you’re experiencing something tough right now, and it’s been hard to avoid feeling frustrated. How could you shift your mindset and make the situation better for yourself and others? Please write me and tell me all about it. You can hit “reply” and type away! I love reading your responses.
Here’s to a little more kindness and positivity.
Big hugs,
