My Top 5 Tips for Becoming a More Authentic Speaker
I recently hosted a retreat for an intimate group of speakers.
On the first day, we watched footage of a speech I gave more than 10 years ago—my first TEDx talk—and compared it to footage from a talk I gave a few months ago. My goal was to have them critique how I spoke then, compare it to how I speak now, and share what stood out to them in my delivery.
Watching that TEDx talk was a pretty cringeworthy experience for me. It only took seconds for the group (and me) to call out the biggest difference between the two videos: In the first, I was robotic, memorized, and unnatural. In the second, I was authentic, heart-led, and imperfect.
Many people have asked me over the years how I’ve made the shift to become a more human and authentic speaker. It’s a topic I’ve always considered writing about more in-depth because it’s one of the most common questions I’m asked, but I’ve put it off. I think it’s because it’s hard for me to pinpoint exactly what helped me make that shift. But the more I help develop other speakers, the more I’ve become aware of the key levers that have helped me—and others—show up on stage as my authentic self.
So, in case you find yourself speaking in front of an audience (whether giving a speech or leading a meeting), here are five of my biggest tips for becoming a more authentic presenter.
I hope one of these “speaks” to you!
1. Own your strengths.
When I first started speaking, I felt like my audiences wouldn’t take me seriously when they realized how young and early in my career I was. I wanted to do everything I could to boost my credibility, so I often cited a ton of stats to back up the stories I shared about my business. I even shared stories from other leaders I admired that I thought were powerful.
But anytime I did that, the same thing would happen: The passion would leave my voice, my energy would drop, and I didn’t feel connected to the audience.
It took me a long time—and lots of feedback—to figure it out, but eventually, I learned that I didn’t need to back up my experiences with tons of statistics and data. A few sources here and there are helpful, sure, but my stories are where I shine. That is my strength: Teaching through storytelling. So now, that’s what I do. When I speak, I tell stories, and I feel completely at home on stage. When I tell my stories, I’m owning my strengths. I’m doing something I know I’m great at, that feels good, and that really works.
I’ve noticed that people often feel like they need to become someone they’re not when they’re onstage. They’ll try to make a joke even though they’re not a joke-y person, for example, or they’ll use a slide deck when they actually hate slides. But in my experience, that’s no way to try to connect with your audience. What’s so much better is when you step out there knowing exactly who you are and what you’re good at, and you show them that.
The more you lean into being you and doing it in a way that is aligned with what you do best, the more your message will resonate.
2. Open yourself up to feedback.
The best thing I’ve done to feel more authentic as a speaker is to ask my audience for feedback. Your audience can see you in a way that you can't, so the key to being more authentic is to ask them how you come across to them. They can often spot things that are totally invisible to you.
That’s why feedback is a huge part of the speaking retreats I host. For the latest one, our speakers delivered mock presentations to an intimate, curated audience. After each speaker presented, our audience spent 25 minutes giving them feedback about what landed and what didn’t. It was like rocket fuel for their growth, but wow, is that hard to do—on both sides. It takes so much courage to give feedback and to receive it.
When you ask for feedback, a lot of times people will just say that they thought you did great because they don't want to hurt your feelings. But if you say something like, “I want to know one thing that I could have done better,” you will likely get the feedback you are looking for.
I did this once at a speech early on, and it totally changed the way I deliver content. Someone came up to me after I spoke, and I decided to ask him for feedback. He said, “You know that story you told in the middle about 45 people quitting on you?” (If you’ve read my book, you know the one; it’s about my first leadership disaster.) “You should start with that.”
At first, I was confused. Why would I want to start my speech with a story that makes me look so bad, even if it ends well? (I got all 45 of those people back, after all.) But he gave me a really great reason: “Because it’s vulnerable. It shows you as human. And I instantly trust you and want to learn more about what you have to share.”
Up until that point, I’d always started my speeches with facts about myself and my accomplishments—again, to build my credibility. But this person told me that in those moments of my speech, I’d lost him. It was obvious that I was trying to prove myself, and he didn’t connect with that. But this story of vulnerability immediately drew him in. So, what if I started with that?
That feedback was the biggest gift. Now, whenever I give speeches or talks, I think about how to lead with vulnerability every time. It’s something I work on with other speakers, too, and it's only possible because of that feedback conversation.
The thing about feedback is that you don’t have to implement every piece of feedback you’re given. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't. No matter what, it’s going to help you do even better next time.
3. Remind yourself that you’re there to serve.
Speaking in front of people can be really intimidating, and it can cause us to get out of our hearts and stuck in our heads. Something I often remind myself before I go on a stage is that I'm there to serve. I'm there to help people. I focus myself on my intentions. And when I come from that place of service, I remember that it's okay to be human up there. It grounds me and reminds me that I'm not there to prove myself. I'm not there to perform. I'm not there to get an A+. I'm there to help people. It's a totally different way to approach things.
Aside from helping you be more intentional and purposeful with your talk, staying focused on serving can help you feel less nervous. That came up at our retreat a lot: A lot of the participants said they just get so nervous when they walk out onstage. They feel like people are judging them because they're the center of attention in that moment. They wanted to know how I work through those blocks and stay so present.
Don’t get me wrong: I do get nervous before every speech I deliver. But here’s what I told them: Right before I go out onstage, I literally say to myself in my mind, “I'm here to serve. I'm here to help.” Doing that helps me walk onstage from a place of love. It helps me let go of my ego. My nerves are there because I care and want to help people, not because I am afraid that people will judge me.
4. Your energy matters—a lot.
When you’re presenting to a group of people, no matter how large or small, you are holding space for them. What I mean by that is that your energy is the energy of the room: The way you show up has a huge influence on how everyone feels. I never really realized what a big responsibility and opportunity that is, but it’s true.
A big part of being an authentic speaker is knowing what it takes to fill your cup and keep your energy high so that you’re capable of holding that space. To keep my cup full and boost my energy before a speech, I need alone time; I need music; I need great rest; I need movement; I need to eat foods that fuel my body; and I need to be wearing something that makes me feel unstoppable. Doing all of that allows me to come into my sessions with energy and maintain it throughout.
And also, I am human. Sometimes, things happen offstage that can bring me down mentally, emotionally, or even physically. I used to think I had to ignore those emotions, put them off to the side while presenting, and then pick them back up again later. But doing so made me feel inauthentic. Now I know that the best thing I can do for my own energy and the energy in the room is just to call it out. When you are going through something tough, acknowledge that you're going through something. Be human and vulnerable with your audience because it gives you permission to feel it all, and even more so, it gives everyone else in the room permission to feel what they're going through, too. It can make it feel like you are more in alignment with the room and like you don't have to pretend things are a certain way when they're not.
5. Clear thinking is clear speaking.
I actually learned this one from writing: A writing coach once said to me, “Clear thinking is clear writing,” and I’ve realized that it goes for speaking, too.
What this means to me is that the more time you spend thinking about your message and getting really clear on it in your mind, the more authentically it will come out of you. I used to prepare for my speeches by writing them out and memorizing them word-for-word, but what would happen is that if I forgot or skipped a part, I’d get completely thrown off and wouldn’t be able to recover. I didn't know my talk inside and out; I just had the words memorized.
But now, I spend so much time thinking about and envisioning every beat of my speech. I think about my transitions. I think about the stories I'm going to tell. I think about the angle in the story that I want to highlight. Instead of writing it out word-for-word, I outline it. I think clearly about the outline and the natural segues so that in my mind, it always makes sense where I'm going next.
People often ask me how I’m able to speak for 90 minutes without slides or cues, and this is how. Everything I want to say is so clear in my mind that it leads to a clear, polished, authentic speech. I think this is where people often go wrong with presentations: They don’t give themselves enough time to think through what they want to present and how they want to present it.
At the speaking retreat, we spent the majority of our time together thinking out loud about content and really making it make sense in our minds before we tried to map it out on paper. But, of course, if writing things down and using slides or visual aides feels authentic to you, great! You should do that! For me, they aren’t, so I prefer not to, but to each their own.
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There you have it, friends! I hope these tips help you, no matter what kind of speaking or presenting you’re doing.
What’s one thing you’ve learned about authentic presenting? Is there a speaker you admire who does this well? Which of the things I shared resonates with you the most? Hit “reply” and tell me more! I’d love to learn what this post made you think about.
Big hugs,
