The positive ripple effect you can make in five minutes or less
A few weeks ago, someone rang the doorbell at my house in Houston at 9 p.m. on a Friday.
I was out of town for a speaking event three timezones away, but I knew someone was at our door because I got a notification on my phone.
I knew that my husband, Spiros, was home. It’s not unusual for his friends to come by when I’m gone, especially on a Friday night, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.
A moment later, I got another notification. Then another.
Spiros wasn’t answering the door, and whoever was out there kept ringing the bell.
I tried calling Spiros. Our doorbell ring is pretty faint (on purpose), so I assumed he was upstairs and couldn’t hear it. No answer. I knew Spiros had had a long day, so I figured he’d fallen asleep.
Another notification. Whoever was out there wasn’t leaving.
Eventually, I pulled up the camera feed on my phone to see who it was. I could see a middle-aged couple I didn’t recognize, and I heard them talking to each other, saying something like, “It looks like they’re home . . . Should we try again and see . . .” and then they started walking away.
I decided to try to talk to them through my app to see what was up.
I said something like, “Hi! Can I help you?”
Luckily, they weren’t freaked out by a disembodied voice coming from our doorbell, and they turned back toward our house and started talking to me.
They told me they live a few houses down, and they’d been out for a walk when they noticed a ton of water pooling into the street from our house. They were pretty sure that something was flooding because they’d had a similar issue and recognized the signs. They thought we might have forgotten to turn off the spigot when filling our pool and wanted to make sure we knew.
“Oh my goodness,” I said. “Thank you so much!” I asked them to describe what was happening so that I could tell Spiros. They offered to go in our backyard and see if they could find the source of the flooding, but I told them Spiros would be able to handle it and that it would be okay. I thanked them profusely.
After they left, I was able to get in touch with Spiros (who had, in fact, fallen asleep). As it turns out, the issue wasn’t our pool, it was our sprinklers. If those kind strangers hadn’t let us know about the water pooling in front of our house, our backyard and garage might’ve been flooded by morning. Spiros was able to turn everything off and get it all fixed the next day.
Even though Spiros quickly took care of the problem and everything ended up fine, I couldn’t stop thinking about those strangers and their powerful act of kindness.
They were just out for a walk when they noticed something that didn’t look right. They could have said, “That looks bad,” and kept walking, and I wouldn’t have blamed them. It's not their house. They don't know us. No one would have known or even blamed them if they’d just kept walking. But they chose to stop and help anyway.
And they didn't just ring the doorbell one time and give up when we didn’t answer. They stayed and kept trying to get our attention. And then, when I finally spoke to them, they offered to go into our backyard to check things out and help even further.
I was so taken aback by the amount of kindness they were willing to extend to total strangers, especially because they went out of their way to do something they didn’t have to do.
Isn’t it so special when you interact with people who operate in this way?
My mom is a great example of this. She instilled in me and my sister from a young age that when we see an opportunity to help, we should take it.
One thing that really stands out to me from my childhood is what we did every time we went to the grocery store. After we loaded everything into our car, my mom would always make sure that we put our shopping cart back where it belonged instead of leaving it randomly in the parking lot. If we encountered other carts that people had abandoned along the way, we’d bring those back, too. Occasionally there would be a grocery store employee who would see us doing this, and the same thing would happen every time: They would be so thankful for our act of kindness. That’s something that has stuck with me my whole life, and I still do it today, thanks to my mom.
What this experience with these two strangers made me think about is how I can go out of my way to help people even more. I don’t think it’s as simple as choosing to be kind, though; I think there are a few steps to it.
First, I think if you want to be someone who goes out of their way to be kind to others, you have to be present in your daily life. Recognizing when someone needs help requires an awareness of what’s going on around you. The couple on the walk only noticed the water because they were present. My mom only noticed the shopping carts because her mind wasn’t somewhere else.
After that, I think it requires empathy. In the case of the couple who noticed our leak, they empathized with what it might feel like to have water pooling in front of your house and not know. Something similar had happened to them, so they knew the stress it could cause. For my mom, putting the carts back was about respect and kindness: We lived in Florida, and gathering up stray carts is hot work. Even though it’s part of someone’s job, she didn’t want to burden them unnecessarily.
After presence and empathy, there’s a third step: acting on what you notice and feel. This is the part where I think most people—including me—get stuck.
Why do we choose not to help when we see a way to make a difference?
I think it could be a few things.
Perhaps a part of it is fear: Maybe we feel anxious about interacting with someone we don’t know. Or maybe we aren’t exactly sure how to help and we don’t want to make it worse. We might even fear rejection or be afraid that someone will get offended by our offer of support.
Or maybe it’s that we’re busy: We tell ourselves we’re in a hurry, we don’t have time to help, or we don’t want to be inconvenienced.
It makes me think about a social media post I wrote a really long time ago (if I could find it, I’d link it for you, but it was years ago). I wrote it on a day when I was struggling to put my heavy carry-on suitcase in the overhead compartment on a plane. Not one person offered to help me, and I was shocked by that, so I wrote about it.
The responses I got on that post were eye-opening. So many people commented saying that when they see someone struggling with their bag on a plane, they’re hesitant to help because they don't want to offend or overstep. They don't want to make someone uncomfortable or make them feel like they’re incapable. But they said that if someone asks for help, they will gladly step up. (And in fairness, I didn’t ask for help.)
It’s easier to notice when someone needs help than it is to actually help them. Helping someone can feel like taking a risk.
Those two strangers could have said, well, we don't know these people. It might be kind of weird to ring a stranger’s doorbell at night. And then my husband would’ve woken up to a flooded backyard. But instead, they chose to act, and they saved the day.
With the shopping carts, my mom could have thought, “Oh, it’s someone’s job to collect these. I don't want to offend them by doing their job for them.” But I can guarantee you by the smiles on the faces I saw, no one was offended.
Sure, taking action is a risk. But often, the risk is incredibly worth it. Isn’t it worth it to have the chance of making a positive difference?
This whole doorbell experience reignited a drive in me to be more intentional about going out of my way to help people. In case you, too, are feeling inspired to add more kindness to the world, here are some ways I'm doing that:
I made a promise to myself that every time I’m at the airport (which is a lot), I will seek out one person who clearly needs help and help them. Flying (and traveling in general) is a lot, especially when you’re elderly or you don’t fly often. I recently helped one woman who looked very lost find her gate. Then, I helped another woman who was getting very frustrated by one of those touchscreen kiosks. All she wanted to do was buy a bottle of water, but there was no attendant to help, and she didn’t seem to know how to use the kiosk. So, I stepped in and helped her make her purchase.
At work, I’m trying to take the time to do quick things that I know I don’t have to do. For example, if I reference something in an email, I take a minute to actually attach or link to that thing instead of directing the person to find it themselves. I’ll also do things outside of my role to save someone on my team five minutes. If it's easy for me to do and only takes a couple minutes, why not? Who cares if it’s not my “job.”
The other day, I was making plans for a regular dinner date I have with a friend. We’d landed on the place we wanted to eat, and even though it was her turn to make the reservation, I went ahead and called the restaurant to reserve our table. She’s a busy mom, and that tiny action meant a lot to her.
The thing is that all of these things took me five minutes or less, but each action had a big, positive ripple effect. The people I helped were so grateful, and I think it's because they knew I did things that I didn’t have to do.
And that brings me to . . . when you go out of your way to help someone, especially when you don't have to do it, that is what means the most to others. It’s a sign of true kindness and generosity. It says a lot about your character and the type of person you are.
Can you think of a moment when someone did something for you that they didn't have to do and it left an impression on you? I would love to be inspired by your stories. Hit reply and tell me everything!
And also, are you up for a little challenge? Will you look for at least one opportunity to go out of your way for someone this week? Whether it’s for someone you know or a total stranger, every kind act counts. If every single person reading this blog did one small kind act this week, that’s more than 10,000 acts of kindness! Huge! (And if you do it, I’d love to know. Write me anytime by responding to this blog or reaching out to reply@kristenhadeed.com.)
Let’s start a kindness movement this week!
Big hugs,
