Learning to move at the speed of my energy
I've spent most of my life operating with a sense of urgency.
To me, being productive and successful always meant checking things off my to-do list and staying busy. I lived with a tiny voice inside of me that told me if I stopped or took a break, I might fall behind.
With the help of my therapist (who helps me learn many of my greatest leadership lessons), I’ve come to see the way I used to operate for what it was: keeping up momentum for momentum’s sake.
For a while now, I’ve been practicing a different, much slower pace. Instead of defaulting to urgency, productivity, and pressure, I’m allowing my energy, desires, and inner state to guide me. And as a result, I’ve never felt more at peace—or more successful and productive.
It’s hard to remain calm and centered in a world where it feels like every single thing needs your attention right now. In case that resonates with you, I thought I would share the four practices that are helping me slow down and maintain my inner peace.
#1: Listening to my desires
I used to have moments when I'd sit at my desk, trying to focus on the work I had in front of me, and I'd feel a tug pulling me toward something else I’d rather be doing.
On days when it was beautiful outside, for example, I’d find myself wishing I could go for a walk. And on nights when I was working late, all I wanted to do was plop on the couch and watch a Netflix show.
But you know what I did every time I felt those feelings?
I ignored them.
Instead of listening to my desires, I told myself I needed to get my work done. I’d tell myself that I could enjoy the things I wanted to do after I finished my tasks. I’d make myself sit there at my desk and work through my to-dos, and usually, by the time I was done, the opportunity to what I desired had already passed me by.
My therapist and I had a conversation about this once that totally changed my perspective on what to do in moments when those desires tug at you.
She used an example that went something like this: Imagine you have all of this laundry piling up, but you just don’t feel like doing it. Instead, what you really want to do is take a nap. Rather than forcing yourself to get the laundry done, the best thing you can do for yourself in that moment is . . . take a nap. Then, wait for a time when you feel like doing the laundry.
It sounds great in theory, but you might be wondering the same thing I was: What if there never comes a day when I want to do the laundry? What if the laundry just continues to pile up?
My therapist promised me that the time would come when I’d feel ready to tackle the laundry and want to do it. She also told me that if I forced myself to do laundry instead of what I actually desired—in this example, take a nap—I’d feel resentful the entire time. All I’d be thinking about was how much I’d rather be taking a nap instead.
It made so much sense to me. When I’d sit at my desk depriving myself of a walk or from calling it a day to go watch a show or do something else I enjoy, I’d feel resentful. I would feel frustrated that my work was taking me away from doing the thing I really wanted to do. And that is not the place I ever want to come from while I do my work. I want to feel joyful, not bitter about it.
After that call, my therapist challenged me to listen to my desires whenever possible. She challenged me to trust myself. She asked me to pay attention to the connection between giving myself permission to do the thing I really want to do in the moment and naturally reaching a point when I’m ready to face other tasks.
She was right.
Now, anytime I get the urge to do something I desire, I just go and enjoy it. And each time I do, I naturally reach a place of motivation to do the thing I was trying to do before, and I come back to it feeling so much more refreshed and reenergized.
I used to think that this kind of behavior was irresponsible, but now, I see it as one of the biggest keys to staying productive and doing my best work.
#2: Slowing down before I act
Quickly crossing things off my list used to be something I took pride in. I was always turning around deliverables as fast as possible because I thought speed equaled efficiency.
But I’ve come to embrace the fact that I’m human, not a machine. I need time to pause, to think, to simmer. Good work often takes time, and moving fast is not the same thing as being effective.
Resisting the urge to jump right into executing mode is another thing I've worked on with my therapist. I used to think that taking time on something meant I was procrastinating on it, and I was really hard on myself about that. But I’m learning that thinking isn’t the same as procrastinating, and in fact, it’s absolutely essential to doing my best work. Would you rather work with someone who always turns things around the same day, or someone who takes the time to think things through? Who do you think delivers the best result in the end?
Now, instead of trying to reach the finish line as fast as possible, I allow myself time and space to think. One of my favorite things to do these days is go for a walk and think about two or three items on my priority list, such as a speech I’m writing or a business challenge I’m trying to solve. I’ll walk, take notes as things come to mind, and give myself permission to allow my thinking to unfold until I feel ready to take the next steps.
I also block thinking time on my calendar so that I have a dedicated space to noodle on things. If I end a day without finding clarity on something, I give myself permission to sleep on it and continue thinking about it the next day. I resist the temptation to have everything solved by the end of a meeting, an hour, or a workday.
I still get my work done within my deadlines; I just don’t cross items off my list as quickly as I used to. And that’s okay. The more I lean into slowing down, the more I find that moments of clarity come to me seemingly out of nowhere. I know it’s because I've given myself time to think deeply—and doing that leads to more creative ideas and higher-quality work.
#3: Releasing external pressure
I used to be the queen of holding myself to other people’s expectations.
If I was in a meeting and someone said to me, “I need this by Friday,” I’d take that as my deadline, no questions asked, even if I already had a full plate.
I’ve since learned that there are very few things that have hard deadlines. And if we just accept others’ expectations instead of considering our own needs or capacity, we will do things with unnecessary urgency and burn ourselves out.
I figured this out the hard way: So many nights, I burned the midnight oil in order to turn something around for someone quickly—only to find that they didn’t even look at it until three, four, even five days later. It showed me that I had made an assumption about how urgent the deliverable was, and they didn’t actually need it within the timeframe I thought they did.
Now, I make sure that I’m clear about my capacity and what is actually doable with the amount of energy I have to give. When somebody says they need something by a certain day, I often say, “That won’t be possible for me. How about this?” Nine times out of ten, their answer is, “That works!” And if it doesn't, I will always work with them until we find a way to honor what they need and what I need, too.
So often, we tell ourselves that we have to stick to the expectations others have of us, when really, what’s best is to come together to find a deadline that works for everyone. Instead of offering a deadline myself, I often start the conversation by asking, “What’s the ideal timeframe for this?” A lot of times, I realize that what the other person has in mind is so different from what I assumed. Had I proposed a deadline for myself, I would have had to work much faster to get the work done.
I’m learning that it takes courage to resist external pressures and speak up for your needs and capacity. So now, even if I fear that I will disappoint someone or let them down by speaking up for what I need, I still encourage myself to do it. I’m finding that when I have the courage to be clear about my needs, people often respond well. They want me to do my best work. It’s helped me see that my fears are really just assumptions I’m making; they’re not reality. Every time I speak up for my needs, it gives me the confidence and courage to do it again the next time.
#4: Using inner peace as my new metric for success
My metrics for success have changed pretty dramatically over the years.
I used to think about success in terms of external things: how much I accomplished, how much revenue my company brought in, how fast I moved, and how full my calendar was. But the only place those metrics ever got me was burnout.
Now, I view success as the amount of peace I feel within myself. It’s how aligned I feel with my choices. It’s how in touch I am with my energy and how well I’m honoring what I need to do to be at my best.
To me, a successful life is one where you can sit with yourself in peace. What I mean is that you don’t need a distraction, like a screen or a book, to truly enjoy being with yourself. I joke about this, but it’s not really a joke: I am my favorite person to hang out with in the entire world.
I don’t feel awkward or scared or uncomfortable at all about hanging out with myself and by myself. I go out to dinner by myself, take walks by myself, and go on solo trips. I once went to Mexico for seven days alone. I am my own best friend.
And, wow, did it take a lot of work to get here. The most helpful thing I’ve done to reach and maintain this state is directly address whatever it is that’s disturbing my peace. Whether that means having a hard conversation, giving feedback, or ending something that's not working for me, I do it instead of letting resentment or hard feelings build up, which ultimately takes away from my peace.
I think a lack of inner peace is why, if we really peel back the layers, it can be so hard for some people to slow down. Without inner peace, we may always have this need to distract ourselves by staying busy. Once you stop and listen to yourself, you can see the work you need to do to reach alignment and inner peace.
I keep my focus here because I know that if I can keep this metric strong, I’ll be able to give my best to everything I do, both in my life at work and outside of it.
So, now, I want to ask you: What would happen if you chose a different pace for the rest of 2026? What would happen if you made a shift from reacting to urgency to allowing your inner state, your energy, your capacity, and your desires to guide you? Imagine what could be possible. If you are up for it, reply and share your answers with me. What would you say yes to more intentionally? What would you finally feel permission to say no to? How might your decision-making change?
Also, in case you’re looking for a new read, here are some titles that have really helped me slow down and connect with myself: Wintering, Essentialism, Four Thousand Weeks, and The Artist's Way.
You’ve got this!
Big hugs,
