Five secrets to building a life you don't need a vacation from
I used to come home from vacation feeling so anxious about coming back to work.
This time last year, I took five weeks off. I expected to return feeling refreshed and ready to dive back in, but instead, my heart raced just thinking about my jam-packed schedule and the piles of work on my plate.
At the time, my life was unsustainable. I was stuck in a cycle of living for my breaks—and as a result, I was starting to resent my work.
After that trip, I had a conversation with my therapist that changed everything. She helped me see what my resentment was trying to show me: Deep down, I craved a life I didn’t want to escape from.
Over the next year, building that life became my mission. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you might remember that I’ve talked a lot about the changes I’ve made to the way I approach my work and schedule recently. I already felt like these changes were making a huge difference in my life, but the real test came this summer, when I returned from my three-week trip.
After all the work I’ve done to build this kind of life, I was so curious to see if I had truly done it. And what’s so surprising is that even though I took a shorter vacation this summer compared to last, I didn’t feel even a sliver of anxiety when I returned. In fact, I felt so excited to come back to work. I felt joyful when I thought about what was on my plate. There wasn’t a single Sunday Scary in sight.
So, how did I get there? What were all those changes I made?
That’s our topic for today! I want to share with you the five things I did to build a life I don’t need an escape from and a work life I love coming back to. If you, too, are stuck in a cycle of overwork and living for your breaks, I hope this post helps you find your way out.
Without further ado . . . here are the five things that helped me transform my life this year!
1. Saying no more than yes
I identify as a servant leader. I want to be as generous as I can with my time and energy, and that means I have a lot of trouble saying “no.” I fear that telling someone no might make them think that I don’t care about them.
But here’s what I’ve realized: Saying “yes” to everything and everyone quickly gets me to a place of depletion and exhaustion. And then, everything I’m giving comes with an undertone of resentment. Is that really how I want to give to others?
I decided to start by looking at my schedule and getting really honest about the things I didn’t have the capacity to do and/or no longer enjoyed. For each item I identified, I had a courageous conversation with someone about why I could no longer support them in this particular way.
The cool thing about learning to say no is that most people get it, respect it, and support it. In fact, most people asked what took me so long. They saw the end coming long before I did, and they wondered how I was doing so much! Every supportive reaction inspired me to find another place where I could say no, and it slowly became a habit.
I also accepted that even if someone didn’t respond positively to my “no,” saying it was still the right choice. I knew that I was doing the most caring thing I could for myself and for them because if I can’t give my whole heart to something, I’m doing us all a disservice.
With every hard conversation, I instantly freed up time in my schedule and gave myself room to breathe.
If you notice this is an area where you have some growing to do like me, I’ve written blog posts about it here and here!
2. Reimagining our processes
Because my business is quite literally an extension of me, I’ve always been involved in every part of the client process. When someone hires me to work with their team, I want to be in every conversation because I take my work very personally. It is me.
But the more my business grew, the more overwhelming—and impossible—this became. I started to get bogged down by details and logistics, and I noticed that it took away from my ability to be creative and do my best work. It often meant working late into the evenings and on weekends to catch up. Also, by insisting on being involved every step of the way, I was taking away opportunities to empower my team.
I knew that if I wanted to change this, I had to put my ego aside and trust my team and our processes. I also had to ask more of the team, which meant getting over my fear of burdening them.
I asked them to help me create a new client process that allowed everyone to use their superpowers. I identified the key parts of the process that I absolutely want to be a part of and stepped back from the rest so that my team could step up and use their gifts.
Sometimes, we can get so close to something or get so stuck in one way of doing it that we forget there might be other options. And like it did for me, switching things up can lead to even better results.
It can be so helpful to ask yourself questions such as, do we have to do it this way? What other options are there? Is there another path to this goal? If this topic interests you, it might be worth checking out this blog post I wrote and this one!
3. Releasing myself of my own expectations
Guess who causes me the most stress out of anyone in the world?
Me.
I used to hold myself to expectations that just weren't realistic, like getting my inbox to zero every day and going above and beyond for every single project.
My therapist helped me see that not only was my habit of high expectations unrealistic and unsustainable for me, but it was also stressful for others. Because I always went the extra mile, it made them feel like they, too, needed to work harder and go above and beyond for me. I had never considered that something I thought was helpful might actually create stress for others.
I shared this ah-ha with my team, and Cheyenne (our Chief of Operations), gave me some valuable feedback. She said she noticed that often, the extra effort I spent isn’t worth it: It might take me 50% more time and energy, but in the end, it might only improve the end result by 10%. Is that trade-off worth it?
I realized that just like I put these expectations on myself, I can remove them. So that’s what I’ve done—and I’ve got to say that it’s been one of the hardest parts of this whole process. It’s something I work at every day!
If this resonates with you, you might like this piece I wrote and also this one.
4. Taking daily breaks
I used to work as much and as hard as I could and then take a vacation. Rinse and repeat.
By the time those vacations came around, I was so tired and depleted, I couldn’t even enjoy them. All I could do was rest and recover.
Today, my life looks a lot different. I’m now a huge fan of taking breaks on a regular basis and treating my work like a marathon instead of a sprint.
One of the smallest shifts I made that led to a big difference for me is the simple act of taking a daily lunch break. No matter what, I commit to stepping away from my desk and actually making and enjoying lunch every day. It's such a nice reset that I can always count on.
I’ve also gotten better at calling it a day. I used to push through my exhaustion even when I knew I had nothing left to give. But now, when I know I’m depleted or even when I'm starting to feel drained, I call it. I’ve learned that I don't need to work late on a Friday to make Monday easier. No matter how many hours I put in, the work is always going to be there on Monday. What’s more important is actually taking a break on the weekend so that I can feel relaxed, refreshed, and be even more effective on Monday.
And last but not least: Last year, we implemented the four-day workweek in our company. The way we do it is that each person can choose which weekday they want to take off each week and what they want to do with it. I usually take off Fridays, and I allow them to be my one completely unscheduled day every week. It’s been the biggest gift, and I feel like my weeks have so much more breathing room in them!
If you aren’t sure where to start, I wrote about this topic here, here, and here!
5. Chasing my inspiration
I used to “should” myself into working a lot. I’d tell myself, “I should do this right now,” or, “I should get this done today.” But working from a place of obligation made me resent my work.
I don’t know about you, but I do my best work when I’m feeling inspired. And I know that when I’m feeling it, it also takes me less time to do it.
When I give myself the space and time to think, the inspiration comes, and it comes on time. I just have to trust myself and my process.
Now, before I work on something, I ask myself if I’m feeling inspired and excited to work on it. If the answer is no, I don’t do it. I trust that there will be a time in the near future when the answer will be yes.
I should also point out that working when I feel inspired applies to my breaks, too. Sometimes, when I’m on vacation, I have moments when I genuinely feel excited to work on something. So long as I am coming from that place and not one of obligation, I do what I want, and I feel joyful about it.
I can remember past vacations where I worked because I felt obligated to keep things moving, even though no one was asking me to do that. I thought it would make life easier when I got back, but it didn't feel good, and I resented that it took me away from other things I wanted to do. I’ve learned it’s not worth doing something if I'm coming from that place.
If this one speaks to you, you might want to check out this post and this one!
And there you have it, friends! The five things that helped me transform my life into one that I don’t need a vacation from.
Don’t get me wrong: Vacations are really nice. We need them, just like we need regular breaks. But what we don’t need is to be stuck in a cycle where we are simply living for the next break.
If you are where I was, I want you to know that you can get to the other side. The path to get there isn’t easy: Saying no, setting boundaries, and choosing yourself takes a lot of courage.
But, friends, it’s worth it. It’s so worth it. Not only for you, but for those who love and look to you.
During my three-week break this year, my family commented on how much more joyful and present I was. And since I started taking more breaks, I’ve seen my team taking more time for themselves than they ever have. What we model, we give others permission to do.
This is why it matters.
If you know someone who needs to read this post, will you share it with them?
And if my words struck a chord with you, hit reply and tell me more. I’d love to know what resonated most and what this brought up in you.
I’ll see you here next week!
Big hugs,
