WHAT STRESSFUL SITUATIONS CAN TEACH US ABOUT MINDSET
When you fly as much as I do, you get used to airport chaos: big crowds, long lines, confused travelers, delays. You name it, I’ve been through it.
I really thought I’d seen it all—until earlier this year, when the partial government shutdown wreaked havoc on the TSA.
I’m based in Houston and regularly fly out of its biggest airport, which was hit hard by the shutdown. I was scheduled to fly out of there for a speech during that time, and when I heard about the hours-long security lines, I got nervous.
The night before, my driver, who knows this airport well, said he thought I should get there five hours early. He said even though I have all the things that usually expedite my travel—TSA Pre-Check, Clear, etc.—there weren’t enough people to staff them, so I’d be in the general screening line with everyone else. My flight was set to depart in the morning, so that meant I needed to arrive at the airport no later than 4 a.m.
Hearing this was obviously a huge bummer. Who wants to stand in line that long? Just thinking about it was exhausting: I knew I’d have a busy day ahead of me after I landed, and I was giving a speech the next day. I didn’t want to get up in the middle of the night just to make my flight.
I wasn’t looking forward to it, but I knew the situation was out of my control. So, I decided I’d focus on what I could control: my mindset. I woke up that morning feeling determined to make it a great day.
When I got to the airport, things looked okay at first. I’d heard that the line had been out the door earlier that week, but so far, so good: No one was standing outside.
I entered the terminal, thinking I must have gotten lucky. I didn't see many people at all.
But then, someone directed me to go downstairs. As it turned out, the lines were huge; I just couldn’t see them. They were so long that they reached all the way to baggage claim.
I'd never seen anything like it in all my years of traveling. I could easily tell that I’d be there for hours, just like my driver predicted.
As soon as I got in line, I began to pay attention to how the people around me were responding to a stressful situation they couldn’t control. It was interesting to see all kinds of different leadership styles and behaviors in action.
Over the next three hours, I’m pretty sure I witnessed the full spectrum of human emotion. The experience turned out to be the best test of my mindset—and a very good reminder of why mindset matters.
Some of the people around me were visibly and audibly upset, complaining every few seconds and expressing their frustration through loud grunts and groans. I empathized with them; I wasn’t happy about it, either. But in responding to the situation that way, they were only amplifying their negative energy and making things even less pleasant for those of us within earshot. There was no way that their behavior was going to change anything, and they probably knew that, so I found it interesting that they chose to continue to complain. All they really accomplished was being even more stressed out.
I also saw people with the complete opposite outlook: delusional positivity. One person behind me whose flight was boarding less than an hour from the time she entered the line said she thought she could make it. I thought, wow, love your optimism, but it’s not rooted in reality. There's just no way.
And then, there were the people who were making the best of having so much time to kill. They’d come prepared and were dealing with it by being productive: reading a book, making business calls, or otherwise keeping themselves occupied.
For me, I saw this as another opportunity to train my mindset. Travel has been one of my greatest teachers when it comes to learning how to let go when something is out of my control. When things go off the rails—and they often do—the way you respond reveals how you show up when you’re stressed and how your energy influences others. Paying attention to that is how you can identify the gaps in your mindset and where you need to grow.
Because I knew there was nothing I could do to change the situation, I decided two things: 1) I was going to be productive, and 2) I was going to make it my mission to lift up the people around me.
First, I tackled some emails and reviewed for my speech the next day. I needed to do those things anyway, and normally, I would’ve done them on the plane or when I landed. But now, I’d have time to decompress a little on my flight by watching a movie or even taking a nap. Win-win.
Once I’d gotten through that, my only mission was to see how I could make things better or easier for the people closest to me.
I did whatever I could think of: When the overly optimistic person behind me realized she wasn’t going to make her flight after all, I tried to ease her nerves and help her make a plan to get on a different flight. Anytime I caught someone's eye, I smiled at them. When someone expressed how stressed they felt, I empathized with them. I looked for ways to crack jokes and bring some levity to the situation.
I don’t want to make it seem like I didn't feel any frustration. Of course I did. I'm human, too. There were plenty of times when I wished I were doing anything other than standing in that stupid line. But I kept reminding myself that I could complain or wish things were different all day, but it wouldn’t change a thing. So I might as well make the experience as positive for myself and the people around me as I could. I started to notice that the things I did for others didn’t just make a positive difference for them; they helped me feel better, too.
By the time the metal detectors were in sight, the stress of the people around me had reached a fever pitch. People had short windows to make their flights, and with each minute that passed, that time only grew shorter. What we didn't know at the time was that the airport had chosen to delay a lot of the flights because of the long security lines, but all we could do was keep an eye on the clock and hope.
Taking my driver’s advice meant that I still had plenty of time before my flight even boarded, so the closer we got to the front of the line, I decided to let people pass me. I started asking around to see when people’s flights were taking off, and if they were before mine, I let them go first. Or even if their flight wasn’t before mine but they were really stressed, I’d let them go anyway.
In doing that, I met people who were navigating this airport for the first time—and some who had never even flown before. I couldn’t imagine how overwhelming this experience was for them and did whatever I could to ease their fears, like explaining the fastest way to get to their gates.
I focused on making myself useful. I just kept asking myself, how can I help? How can I be a light for somebody or help them feel supported?
When I finally reached the front of the line, I could see that many people were either too stressed to follow instructions or just unsure of what to do. I’m no TSA agent, but I know my way around a security line, so I gently reminded people to take off their shoes and belts and remove their liquids and laptops from their carry-ons.
Anytime I saw a TSA agent, I made an intentional choice to look them in the eye and thank them for coming to work during such an incredibly stressful time. They thanked me back, saying it meant so much to hear that. These were people who were still choosing to show up, even though they had no idea when their next paycheck was coming. I could only imagine how hard that felt.
I eventually made it to my gate with time to spare. I took a moment to reflect, and I realized it really hadn’t been that bad of a morning. Dare I say, I even found it meaningful—and it’s a day I look back on now with a smile. But I only feel that way because of the intentional choice I made about how I wanted to show up in that moment.
For the people who kept a negative outlook the whole time they were in that line, I imagine that the morning felt a lot different. It was already rough, and their response only made it rougher. People are allowed to deal with stressful situations however they want, of course, but I can’t help but think that they were only hurting themselves.
If you want to test your leadership mindset, the next time you’re in a situation where things don’t go as planned or they’re out of your control, pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. How we show up in those moments is how we show up in lots of other moments of heightened emotion, and you can make a difference by reminding yourself that you are in control of how you feel.
So now, I want to know: Were you stuck in those long lines, too? If so, what was your experience? When you reflect on your mindset during that time, what stands out?
And if you weren’t, have you ever had a moment like this? What was your mindset like, and did it help? Tell us all about it! Hit “reply.” My team and I love reading your messages!
Imagine the difference we could make if we chose to lift up the people around us, no matter what situation we’re in.
We’ve got this, my friends!
Big hugs,
