The skill that makes or breaks customer service
Not too long ago, I was sitting by the pool, catching up on emails after taking some time off.
At the top of my inbox, I saw an email with a receipt for a charge that I wasn’t expecting: It was an annual renewal for a service I no longer use that I had totally forgotten about.
Has that ever happened to you? You forget to cancel a subscription you don’t need anymore and then the bill comes? Is it not the most frustrating thing?!
It was totally my bad, of course, but I didn't want to be charged $160 for something I wasn’t using anymore. Even worse, I’d paid for the service the year prior, too, and only used it for a couple of months.
I immediately reached out to the company’s customer service and asked if they could reverse the charge. I happened to catch it the same day the charge went through, so I hoped I’d be met with understanding and grace—not to mention the fact that I’d already been a customer for a few years.
I thought it would be an easy fix . . .
. . . but if it had been, you wouldn’t be reading about it here!
Have you ever had a customer service experience so bad that it frustrates you down to your bones? One where you can’t stop thinking and talking about it?
This is that one for me. And as a business owner, I think it’s good to run into situations like these every so often so that I’m reminded of the experience that we don’t want to create for our customers.
I want to tell you about what happened not because I want to put this company on blast (in fact, I’m not even going to share its name) but because I think my experience demonstrates why empathy in customer service is so important—and when it’s missing, it’s often the reason why a customer describes their experience as a terrible one.
Let’s go back to my catch-up day by the pool.
I emailed the customer service team and shared my dilemma. I told them that on top of not knowing my subscription was going to renew, I had also gotten a new credit card since signing up for their services, and I didn’t realize it was possible for them to charge my old card. I explained that I don’t use their services anymore and hadn’t in quite some time but that I still refer them often (I did at the time, anyway). I asked if they could reverse the transaction.
I knew that what I was asking for went against the agreement I’d approved when I signed up. Technically, they didn’t have to refund me. But I was truly shocked by the customer service rep’s response: Not only did they say they couldn’t refund me, but there wasn’t an ounce of empathy to be found in their message.
As much as I would love to tell you the details of the 18 emails that followed, that would probably make for my longest blog post in history, and you might be asleep before we got to the end.
So, here’s the short of it:
In their responses, every customer service rep I heard from told me they couldn’t reverse the charge but they could cancel the service going forward. In fairness to them, they had sent a reminder email one week before, but because I was on PTO, I’d missed it. When I told them I was shocked by the lack of understanding and empathy, especially because I had been a customer for many years and wasn’t trying to take advantage of them, they continued to hold firm, bringing in language from the agreement (in bolded words, nonetheless). They offered solutions that didn’t address my frustrations at all, such as giving me a discount on the upcoming year, even though I had told them that I didn’t have a need for their service anymore.
Even my credit card company was shocked: They couldn’t dispute the charge because I had signed an agreement, but they told me they couldn’t believe this company wasn’t refunding me, especially because I had emailed the same day the charge went through.
Over the course of all that back-and-forth, I spoke to five different members of the company’s customer service team. I eventually made it all the way to the Global Head of Customer Service. Every single interaction—including the one with the leader of the whole department—was the same: Zero empathy. Reiterating that it was my fault. Offering solutions that didn’t address my needs.
At some point, I had to stop and ask myself: How am I letting this get to 18 emails? Why am I wasting my time on this? Is this worth $160?
I suppose that’s what happens when one is really frustrated.
What bothered me most about this situation wasn’t the money; it was the fact that no one at this company seemed to care about me at all, despite me being a customer they profited from for several years. There was never a “I understand that this is frustrating," or a “I’m so sorry that this happened,” or an “I wish I could give you what you are asking for.” No one ever acknowledged any kind of human emotion that I had . . . once.
If you’ve ever been in a situation like this, I am curious to know if this resonates with you. I think that when a person doesn’t feel heard—in any situation, not just with customer service—it can make you feel more and more frustrated. I found myself getting heated and typing things that do not represent me at my best. I would remind myself that that’s not the person I want to be and I’d delete those sentences, but it was definitely a lesson for me in emotional regulation. The emails that I sent back weren’t the kindest I’ve ever sent.
And here’s the thing: If just one of those people had been kind and empathetic—even if, at the end of the day, they still couldn’t give me a refund—I think it would have changed the whole experience. If just one person had made me feel heard, I think I would have let it go instead of continuing to escalate it. I might’ve still been bummed, but I would have understood. It was my fault, after all.
It made me reflect on the culture of customer service my team and I have built in our company. In my 18 years of being an entrepreneur, one thing that has stayed consistent is that I have always empowered our team to do the right thing for our customers—even if that means going against a policy or taking a loss for the business. They don’t have to ask; it is a given, and I’ve got their backs. Even in the Student Maid days, we taught our team members to treat our customers like people. To make decisions from the heart and from our values. We would say over and over that even if we lost revenue as a company, the greater loss would be a customer feeling disheartened with our brand.
Now, some people do take advantage of that kindness, and over the years, my team and I have learned what to look out for. In those circumstances, we might handle things differently. Often, though, we take the path of least resistance to save everyone frustration. I take into consideration how it feels for my team to tackle tough customer service issues, too; I don’t want them to be frustrated or made to feel bad by a customer’s behavior, either.
It occurred to me while writing the 18th email that I was placing my frustration on the five people I’d emailed with, but really, this was about the culture they are a part of—not them. I realized that those five people are probably a part of a culture where they are not empowered to do right by their customers. They probably haven’t been invested in or trained how to communicate with empathy. They probably work in an environment with no psychological safety—one where, if they go against a policy for a customer, they might be at risk of being reprimanded or losing their job.
In that moment, I started to have empathy for them. I decided I didn’t need a refund anymore, and I told the Global Head of Customer Service that I hoped my experience could be a learning opportunity for them.
Okay, now it’s your turn: Tell me your worst or best customer service story. Did empathy play a part? Hit “reply” and tell me all about it!
I may not have gotten a refund . . . but I did get the inspiration to write this blog post. I’m calling that a win!
Big hugs,
