DON'T PUT FIRST THINGS LAST
By the time you read this, my family and I will be on our annual summer vacation!
Taking a big trip as a family is something my husband, Spiros, and I committed to doing once a year starting in 2023, and we’ve honored that commitment ever since. He and I both have demanding careers that are important to us, and we know that if we’re not intentional about taking time to explore the world and make memories, it may not happen.
Every other year, we go to Greece to visit Spiros’ family and explore the Greek islands, and on the off years, we pick destinations we haven’t been to together. So far, we’ve explored Portugal, and this year, we’re going to Switzerland and France.
It means a lot to me that I can say I’m spending two whole weeks with my family right now because it almost didn’t happen. Well, sort of. Let me explain.
As you may have guessed, it’s not easy to keep two weeks completely blocked off on my calendar. I get requests to do speeches throughout the year, and to protect this time, I had to turn down several speeches that would have happened during these two weeks. Though I love what I do and I love helping my clients, this time with my family is important to me, so it wasn’t hard for me to say no to these opportunities . . .
. . . that is, until about six months ago, when I got a request for a speaking opportunity in Europe that just so happened to coincide with the dates I would already be there.
When I first saw the dates, I was ready to turn it down. But then, I thought, wait . . . What are the odds?
On the one hand, it felt like all the stars were aligning. The client was wonderful, the fee was generous, and the work is the kind I love most. I would be able to easily get to the speech, which is rarely the case for an international opportunity. I don't typically do a lot of international travel for my speaking work because it can be a lot with jet lag and the extra number of days it requires on my calendar. But I wouldn’t have to worry about any of that because I’d already be in Europe. It was really tempting.
On the other hand, of course, was the commitment Spiros and I had made. These trips we take with my sister and bonus daughter are so special, and if I missed a day or two, that’s time and memories with them that I could never get back. Could I live with that?
I brought my dilemma to Spiros. One of things I love about him is that he always encourages me to do what makes me happy, so of course, he said he would completely support me either way.
I decided to take a day to reflect. I thought about my bonus daughter and how I want her to be able to look back on her life one day and remember this trip and that Spiros and I were present with her. I also thought about how my work would be coming with me on this vacation no matter what. We are in a very exciting season in the business with lots of things moving, so I already knew I’d have to spend some time on my laptop while we’re there to keep up momentum. Spiros is in a similar position, which we knew when we started planning. We had already talked about making our working-on-vacation time fun by finding unique coffee shops to work from together early in the mornings when the family is still resting so that we're not taking away from our time with them.
But doing the speech would be a totally different level of working during vacation. It would mean spending more time in work mode and more time traveling, which might mean that I wouldn’t have the energy I would have otherwise left for my family. I’d miss out on the memories they made in those days, and they would remember that I wasn't part of them.
As tempting as it was to take the opportunity, I ultimately decided not to. The time with my family is too precious.
I thought that was that, but months later, the client who had asked me to speak in Europe checked in with me and let me know that the opportunity was still on the table in case I’d changed my mind.
Even though I’d thought long and hard about my decision to say no, I once again found myself tempted to say yes. This last quarter in our business was slower because I took a break from speaking to finish a project I wanted to give my all to, so I was feeling a little guilty about turning down such a good opportunity to bring in more revenue. I reminded myself of the many other pros to saying yes: I’d already be in Europe. I’d only have to be gone for a day or two, and I’d have plenty of other time with my family. Why would I say no?
I sat with the decision again and gave myself one final test: Ten years down the road, which choice might I regret more: taking the speech and being away from my family for a couple days, or spending two whole uninterrupted weeks being present with them?
That question made the answer crystal-clear to me: There will never be a day when I regret spending time with my family. That’s the thought that made me decide to close the door on the opportunity . . . for now. I hope that one day in the future, I can find a way to partner with this client, but not during a family vacation. I feel really at peace with that decision.
I heard a phrase at an event recently that stuck with me: “Don't put first things last.” I wanted to share this experience with you because I think it shows how hard it can be to do that. Even when you know that something is important to you, it can be surprisingly easy to put it at the bottom of your list of priorities. Putting it first takes intention and willingness to sit with ourselves and reflect before we say yes. It takes asking yourself, “Will I regret this?”
And as I’ve shown here, these decisions aren’t always one-and-done. Sometimes, you make a decision, and then you have to keep making it. I was tempted to say yes many times, and I had to consistently say no to make sure I didn’t put first things last. I think this phrase is going to help me in the future when I have moments like this.
I also love this phrase because it’s what I try my best to embody in my life and model for others. It’s what I want for my team, and I’m very grateful and lucky that they support me when I make choices like this one. I hope and strive to be the leader who supports them when they choose to put first what’s most important to them.
What about you? Where in your life are you at risk of putting first things last? Hit “reply” and tell me all about it. I may be on vacation, but my team is ready to respond and share your messages with me! I can’t wait to read them when I’m back.
Save this post and read it the next time you are confronted with a hard choice. I hope it helps guide you to what is most important in your heart.
You’ve got this!
Big hugs,
