12 Questions To Tell A Life Story
Last week, I had the chance to spend some quality time with my parents. They were celebrating a big milestone in their life and marriage—their 41st wedding anniversary—and they came to visit me and my husband, Spiros.
I’ve been really intentional these days about making the time I have with my parents count. For so long, I was distracted by my work every time I saw them. I can remember many family trips where I’d be in the bedroom with my laptop instead of enjoying time with my loved ones. Like I’m sure happened for so many, the pandemic really helped me get my priorities in order. A huge part of the decision to transition away from Student Maid stemmed from me wanting more harmony between my work and life and a lot more presence with my family.
Time with my parents is precious to me, and I’m lucky I still have it. I’m always thinking about how to create lasting memories when we have time together. I recently stumbled upon a book called For You When I’m Gone, and it inspired me to do something extra special during this visit.
The book is written by Steve Leder, a rabbi who helps people write their “ethical wills”—in other words, he helps people document the stories, reflections, and lessons of their past. (If you subscribe to my Life Outside of Work newsletter, you already saw this book on my monthly reading list!) In the book, Rabbi Leder shares 12 essential questions that he believes tell a life story. He summarizes the answers of the many people he’s interviewed over the years, and he encourages us to explore these questions for ourselves and share our answers before it's too late.
When I read the book, I couldn’t help but think about how I wanted to know my parents’ answers to these questions. And so, that’s where the inspiration for our weekend came from: I decided I would interview my parents about their life stories.
I gave my parents advance notice that I’d be asking the questions, and each day of their visit, we went through two to three questions. I recorded our conversations so that one day, when they aren’t here, I can listen to their answers. It makes me so sad to even think about a day when my parents aren’t here, but I know that I will treasure hearing their voices and hearing this conversation between us when that day inevitably comes.
My sister wasn’t able to be with us over the weekend, but we FaceTimed her in for some of the questions so that she could hear their answers, too. We got through nine of the 12 questions and are saving the remaining three for our next trip this fall.
I can’t even begin to tell you how meaningful it was to hear my parents’ answers. It brings me to tears just thinking about it. I learned things about their lives that I would have never known had we not had this conversation. And naturally, as we went along, they asked me my own answers to the questions and got to learn things about me, too.
I thought it might be special to share the questions with you, so here they are:
What is your biggest regret and how can your loved ones avoid the same?
When was a time you led with your heart rather than your head? Why and how did that change your life?
What makes you happy, and what lesson is there in the things that make you happy that you can share with your loved ones?
What was your biggest failure and what lesson did you learn that is worth sharing with your loved ones?
What enabled you to withstand and move on in the face of your greatest challenge? What advice can you offer your loved ones to guide them when they encounter real adversity?
What does it mean to be a good person?
What is love?
Did you ever have to cut someone out of your life? What lesson is there within that decision to guide your loved ones in their relationships?
How do you want to be remembered?
What are your top 5 sayings that encapsulate the accrued wisdom of your life experience?
What will your epitaph say and why?
If you could speak to your family at the end of your own funeral, what would you say? What would your final blessing to them be?
As you can see, these questions are deep. And this weekend got me thinking on a much deeper, much bigger scale.
We each have so many stories and so many gifts and so many lessons to share. We owe it to the world to share and not keep it all inside. Who can you share your stories with? Who can you learn more about? Can you have this conversation with your own loved ones?
It also got me thinking about the power of a team. About how we spend so much of our time at work, and yet, do we talk about the stuff that really matters? What if we could know these things about the people we work with? What if we could help them in their pursuit of living the legacy they want to leave behind? What if they could support us in the same way? What if we could learn even more from one another?
I hope you find meaning in me sharing this, and I hope these questions inspire you like they have for me.
Life is short. Life is precious. We all have so much to give and so much we can learn.
Big hugs,
Kristen
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